Category Archive: extended status update

Aug 17

Your Hip, Hapless Child

It’s missionaries, I think. I always talk to missionaries because they can at least put me down as a “maybe” and get more mission-kibble.

Jun 06

Upon First Looking — Really Looking — at My Newly-Paralyzed Dog’s Anus

“This isn’t fun for me, either,” I said. “But let’s get through it.”

Feb 07

Christmas in L.A. Is Officially Over

This year’s Christmas season lasted from roughly August 30 to Super Bowl Sunday.

Jan 30

Today You Will Wear Jean Shorts

Don’t be afraid of the inevitable.

Jan 01

Let Despair Be the First Celebrity Death of 2017

Be like Isidorus of Seville and cut it out.

Nov 26

How I Lived To Be 47

Simple tips to help you beat the odds—and the will of God—to live to 47.

Jun 28

Nice Things Are Not To Be Used

Maybe I should just learn to type.

Apr 19

Time To Invest in More Rocks

I feed from the pathetic zombie computer like it’s organ harvest time in “The Matrix.”

Feb 22

Questioning Velveteen

(Alf murdered cats and wasn’t good with electronics.)

Jan 25

Litterbugs Just Put It Over There

“(This trash) will be a balanced meal for a special kind of goat that eats only garbage and furniture.”

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