Category: extended status update

Questioning Velveteen

Velveteen

(Alf murdered cats and wasn’t good with electronics.)

Litterbugs Just Put It Over There

“(This trash) will be a balanced meal for a special kind of goat that eats only garbage and furniture.”

New Year’s Resolutions: East Vassalboro

mutation

In 2016, just stop picking at it.

Petsplaining: Smell My Dog

petsplaining

I have determined that my dog is a Posby.

Dear John, I’m Not Dead

By the time John was my age, he was dead.

This Inhuman Place: So Long, Brad Moore

busterjmoore

We’re up in the balcony of the Lowell High School Auditorium, Brad Moore and I, and we’re leaning over the side as we watch the LHS band (my sister is on clarinet) accompany the Spring production of “Oklahoma!” It’s May of 1980 and Brad is telling me about the Dead Boy. The Dead Boy is …

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The Shamrock Shake Is A Fixed Point in Time

shamrock shake

I’d been telling my children for a week that, by St. Patrick’s Day, they’d be getting Shamrock Shakes. And not just two of them, like when we go through the McDonald’s drive-thru once every three months and I stoically buy them two ice creams and eat none myself because I Don’t Support McDonald’s. We’d each …

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The Year Christmas Didn’t Die

Deathless Christmas

Many denominations determine the beginning of the Christmas season as the day when Costco starts selling fake trees (in 2014 this was on September 18) but I’m much more of a fundamentalist:

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I Still Pray To My Childhood Saints

i have a dream

When I first heard Hozier’s “Take Me To Church” I thought: “Why didn’t you release this instead of ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight?’, 90s Elton John?”

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The Cabinet Door Wants Me Dead

I bumped my head. I think it’s an east-west thing.

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