Category: extended status update

The Shamrock Shake Is A Fixed Point in Time

shamrock shake

I’d been telling my children for a week that, by St. Patrick’s Day, they’d be getting Shamrock Shakes. And not just two of them, like when we go through the McDonald’s drive-thru once every three months and I stoically buy them two ice creams and eat none myself because I Don’t Support McDonald’s. We’d each …

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The Year Christmas Didn’t Die

Deathless Christmas

Many denominations determine the beginning of the Christmas season as the day when Costco starts selling fake trees (in 2014 this was on September 18) but I’m much more of a fundamentalist:

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I Still Pray To My Childhood Saints

i have a dream

When I first heard Hozier’s “Take Me To Church” I thought: “Why didn’t you release this instead of ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight?’, 90s Elton John?”

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The Cabinet Door Wants Me Dead

I bumped my head. I think it’s an east-west thing.

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Frampton Comes Alive

Frampton Chelsea Barrett

Frampton Chelsea Barrett, 1996-2014

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Asshole Stole My Bike

stolen-bike

I’d like to think that, right now, in some lower rent place than where I’m currently living,

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How I Lived To Be 45

Advances in medical technology and attention to Quality of Life considerations like exercise, diet, and stress reduction have increased the average lifespan, but it is still a miracle of science — or maybe an offense to nature — to live to the age of 45.

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A Box of Free Grapefruit

grapefruit-marty-barrett

There are times I want to pick up the phone and call my late father.

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Deep Facebook: For When It’s Complicated (first in a series)

In this article I use the name of a popular social media outlet as a stand-in for all of them, and thus don’t bother with a capital F. If it’s true that young people are no longer Flocking to facebook, the least we can do is top off the company’s IPO with a common noun.

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Don’t Throw Away Your Cows

cow_hell

Cows are watching from the ceiling.