Category Archive: food

Mar 17

The Shamrock Shake Is A Fixed Point in Time

I’d been telling my children for a week that, by St. Patrick’s Day, they’d be getting Shamrock Shakes. And not just two of them, like when we go through the McDonald’s drive-thru once every three months and I stoically buy them two ice creams and eat none myself because I Don’t Support McDonald’s. We’d each …

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Jul 03

Holiday Roast: The 8-Day Amity Island Diet

Amity Island, like Brigadoon or King Arthur’s Avalon, is a place out of time that is powered by summer dollars and magical realism. But an Islander’s gotta eat — and not some license plate he found in a river. As has been proven with exhaustive scholarship, we cannot rely on police reports or flyers on …

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Jun 18

Don’t Throw Away Your Cows

Cows are watching from the ceiling.

Jan 30

The Green Beans of Courage

A man said to the Internet “Lentils: Soak them?”

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Sep 11

Today We’ll Drink the Gargled Jell-O

I am distrustful of inexpensive things, because it has been constantly reinforced throughout my life that there is always a catch.

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Aug 02

Starbucks Unveils New Overheard Argument Snippet Cups

“It’s a conversation starter,” says a Starbucks spokesman of an innovation in Cup-Based Text (CBT). “For a conversation you don’t want to continue.”

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Jul 19

In-n-Out of Favor with the Lord: Fast Food Bible Passages

As much as a first visit to In-n-Out Burger is a revelation (“How can fast food burgers taste this good?“), it’s that much more special when a customer finds a verse from the actual Book of Revelation on his hamburger wrapper. Since 1948 In-n-Out Burger has been a southwestern craving; a friendly burger chain with …

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