Category Archive: extended status update

Jan 25

Litterbugs Just Put It Over There

“(This trash) will be a balanced meal for a special kind of goat that eats only garbage and furniture.”

Jan 04

New Year’s Resolutions: East Vassalboro

In 2016, just stop picking at it.

Dec 04

Petsplaining: Smell My Dog

I have determined that my dog is a Posby.

Oct 17

Dear John, I’m Not Dead

By the time John was my age, he was dead.

Apr 17

This Inhuman Place: So Long, Brad Moore

We’re up in the balcony of the Lowell High School Auditorium, Brad Moore and I, and we’re leaning over the side as we watch the LHS band (my sister is on clarinet) accompany the Spring production of “Oklahoma!” It’s May of 1980 and Brad is telling me about the Dead Boy. The Dead Boy is …

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Mar 17

The Shamrock Shake Is A Fixed Point in Time

I’d been telling my children for a week that, by St. Patrick’s Day, they’d be getting Shamrock Shakes. And not just two of them, like when we go through the McDonald’s drive-thru once every three months and I stoically buy them two ice creams and eat none myself because I Don’t Support McDonald’s. We’d each …

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Feb 21

The Year Christmas Didn’t Die

Many denominations determine the beginning of the Christmas season as the day when Costco starts selling fake trees (in 2014 this was on September 18) but I’m much more of a fundamentalist:

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Feb 10

I Still Pray To My Childhood Saints

When I first heard Hozier’s “Take Me To Church” I thought: “Why didn’t you release this instead of ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight?’, 90s Elton John?”

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Feb 08

The Cabinet Door Wants Me Dead

I bumped my head. I think it’s an east-west thing.

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Dec 31

Frampton Comes Alive

Frampton Chelsea Barrett, 1996-2014

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