If you’re like me, you can’t get enough of your acquaintances posting links on social media using only the word THIS.
“I sure bet my coworker agrees with whatever he’s linking to!” I’ll say, clicking and reclicking on the URL until I’m down to just bone stems. “Better click on it again.”
But did you know that THIS is only one of millions of demonstrative adjectives the English language has approved for social media use? Let’s look at some more, you assholes!
***
Sometimes, instead of something close about which you might use THIS, you can differentiate between two things or indicate something farther away by using THAT. You can also use THAT to link to something you’re passionate about, like whatever that bullshit was today.
…or you can reissue the same adjective as a 12″ dance remix.
But what if there’s more than one thing, like this pair of conjoined lambs? Don’t freak out, OK?
Maybe you’re pointing to something in the distance or you’re Jed Clampett. Then you might use YONDER. I think that’s also the name of the woman who did the “Ally McBeal” theme song.
Or this guy. Jeez Louise. By all means link me to your next online petition by writing DEVENDRA.
When your subject is virgins and/or their immaculately-conceived children, then BY ALL MEANS use YON.
Sometimes we refer to two things in the same sentence, then have to mention one or the other again. That’s when we use FORMER and LATTER. Here’s the way it was before it all went wrong.
And here’s what’s happening by close of business, December 21.
Sometimes we need to refer to where something is in a sequence.
…and other times we just have to point and look away.
