It's A Wonderful Shark
QUINT returns to the old Granville Place. HE does not know what to do about Uncle Billy's loss of the $8,000. MARY is hanging Christmas decorations and the KIDS are underfoot. JANEY is practicing "Fair Spanish Ladies" on the piano.
KIDS
Daddy!
MARY
Quint Lassos Stork.
QUINT
Rabbit goes into the hole, rabbit comes out of the hole. Why'd we have to have so many kids?
MARY
Thank you, Mr. Quint. I'll take that under advisement.
TOMMY
S'cuse me. I burped.
QUINT
Sounds like someone's been drinkin' to his leg. Where's Zuzu?
MARY
She got bit by a vampire on the way home from school.
(the phone rings. QUINT answers it and, listening, determines the caller to be Zuzu's TEACHER)
QUINT
What kind of teacher are you anyway? Is this the sort of thing we pay taxes for?
MARY
Quint!
QUINT
Stupid, silly, stupid, silly. I'll catch you, and I'll kill you, for ten.
MARY
You're certifiable, Quint! You know that?
(QUINT slams down phone)
QUINT
Why'd we have to move to this drafty old house? I'll never put on a lifejacket again.
MARY
What?
QUINT
Along comes Whitey! Kiddie scissor class! Bankruptcy, scandal, prison! Our shark! Janey, haven't you learned that silly song yet? Now stop it! Stop it!
JANEY
Oh, Quint!
(JANEY bursts into tears)
MARY
Quint, why must you torture the children? Why don't you -
QUINT
Don't you ever tell me my business again. Third wife's demise. Jesus H. Christ.
Other Quint Adventures