Category Archive: Uncategorized

Jul 03

Eat A Rocking Chair: The 8-Day Amity Island Diet

“It’s gonna be the best Fourth of July we ever had.”


(No title)


Both Tonight

(lyrics by Marty Barrett, music by Fogelfoot)

Slip into the restroom, Lady

Watch all the debutantes take flight

They’re jealous of your body…

That roomy velvet pantsuit.

Then you say, then you say, 

“Why don’t you kill us both tonight?”

Order off the menu, Woman

I’ll make sure your lamb shank’s done up right

There’s something special cooking—

Meanwhile, have another Mudslide

I guess they’ll have to take a check

Because I plan to kill us both tonight.

No more crying; Spaceship’s coming

To the secret rendezvous

No one’s saying we’re too ugly, Baby

Now the bottle’s pointed right at you.

Join me on the altar

I’ll hold your hand in the pale moonlight

Prepare you for the Elders—

I know they’re going to love you.

It’s just like going to sleep.

(When I kill us both tonight.)

Sep 20

What My Mother Taught Me About Space

I have never understood the ways of aliens. Today I scan the headlines to find that the Space Shuttle Endeavour will make its final journey through Los Angeles—by truck—after piggybacking atop a specially-outfitted (I’d assume—I only read the first paragraph) 747 from Florida to LAX. Prior to that it had been in Space. Because it …

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Sep 11

Manifest Density: A Superhaiku of 50/70/50 lines

We are working from a weapons-grade tub of mayonnaise; each child has dipped his personalized mayoladle—an engraved heirloom presented at puberty—and covers his chicharrones in substance. We will prove to the scientists that we can expand faster than gas, farther than the confines of the universe.They say we consume, but this is a lie; our …

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Sep 06


This complete version of “Footprints” was recently unearthed in the ruins of the Ur Office Park in Nethermost Ip.


(No title)



All you need to know about Los Angeles, by Fogelfoot.

Sep 04

Limericks on the Passing of Sun Myung Moon

-I- “True Father,” I asked, agitated: “Mass-weddings are too populated. My sweetie’s O.K. To share her Big Day But must they watch us consummate it?” -II- Today’s earthbound deities require A classier cult to inspire: You should never be seen In a car that’s Korean If you want to be called the Messiah. -III- S. …

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Jan 20

The End Times Are At Hand

I will be dismantling and rebooting in the next few weeks. What does that mean to you? Having maintained a personal site for more than ten years (as well as operating several others), it’s clear that the blog format has become obsolete (or, at least, insufficient for my purposes, which include falconry, dismemberment, cheese …

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Nov 16

Fogelfoot at Fais Do Do

For my upcoming extra large birthday party at Los Angeles’ Club Fais Do Do on Sunday, November 22, I have enlisted the services of Fogelfoot, the only band listed on the Periodic Table of the Elements and the only band to fully utilize the potential of the Baritone Horn in a rock setting. The event …

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Nov 03

O Captain Trips, My Captain Trips

Standing in line with a thousand other people this morning for my Swine Flu (It’s Not Just for Pigs AnymoreTM) shot, I was struck by how, if only the public health system had been as advanced during the time of “The Stand,” Las Vegas would not have been destroyed by the Trashcan Man’s atom bomb, …

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