Martin Barrett

Author's posts

In-n-Out of Favor with the Lord: Fast Food Bible Passages

As much as a first visit to In-n-Out Burger is a revelation (“How can fast food burgers taste this good?“), it’s that much more special when a customer finds a verse from the actual Book of Revelation on his hamburger wrapper. Since 1948 In-n-Out Burger has been a southwestern craving; a friendly burger chain with …

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Rolling Stone Tsarnaev: A Cover Story Is Not A Reward

Not everyone who makes it to the cover of a magazine has done something good, but Rolling Stone’s decision to cover its August 3 issue with the face of accused Boston Marathon bomber Dzokhar Tsarnaev has drawn the ire of many, including Boston Mayor Thomas Menino. It is easy to understand Menino’s concern, both in …

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Martin And Zimmerman Shared Pride, Not Race

A pistol-packing, overzealous off-duty neighborhood security guard versus a hooded teen defending his right to walk home without being stared at. I think pride, and not race, was the governing factor in the death of Trayvon Martin. Both young men had at least one opportunity each to stop what they were doing and back off, …

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Dog Poetry

Fauxtes: Quotes I Made Up Because It Sounds Better If Someone Else Said Them

Lost “Footprints” scrolls discovered

I think one reason the inspirational poster “Footprints” is anonymous is that it has so many logical flaws. It is the Dog Ate My Homework of all divine apologies, right up there with The Lord Moves in Mysterious Ways to explain things like the Holocaust. We found this Extended Edition of Footprints in the break …

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Farewell And Adieu, Bruce

It was the best Fourth of July Amity (which, as you know, means “friendship”) had ever had, until Estuary Victim was gobbled. The bright side was that Mayor Vaughn’s kids were on that beach, too, so he did something he was good at: he signed a voucher to pay Quint to kill the shark. Listen …

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Squalor Beautification Tips pt. I

Backstage Scoop: I asked the children (actual children and not actors) to look at me as little as possible while playing video games. They got the hang of it immediately and I didn’t have to tell them again!

Working on Some New Campaigns for the San Diego Zoo

These coy, morbidly obese buggers are masters of deception!

What You Do Is Swallow It

Yes, but what will the rest of my family eat?